Hi, I’m so very glad you made it! I’m Jan Hilton and you’ve just connected to our “Free from the Grip Website” Welcome!
You may wonder what we mean by “Free from the Grip” so I’ll just say that this Web site is dedicated to exposing many of the things that had gripped my heart, mind and soul from The Church of Bible Understanding, a/k/a COBU, and that may or may not grip yours. Living Water is the fellowship that is the host of 'Free from the Grip' and this fellowship has blessed my life for many years.
You may be wondering, “What grip?” or “What does this have to do with me?” All I can say is that before I met with Living Water fellowship after leaving COBU I always felt as though there was a dark cloud that followed me and just stayed with me lingering over my head into every area of my life.
I had heard that Living Water and specifically Dave and Cynthia Simmons had a gift of prophesy and that their ministry was to pray for and pour oil on the heads of those who had been in COBU, to bring peace to the hearts, minds and souls of those of us who had been wounded in the church of our youth. I wasn’t sure it would help and all I had was a willingness to pray with them in faith, yet each time I got together, either in person or over the phone, I noticed that my heart would be comforted and my mind wasn’t as stressed. It was like a cold drink of water and I was like: “Ah, finally someone understands all of this turmoil that I am going through.” For I had sought counselors, psychologists, pastors, people who were Christians for many years, but when I explained some of the residual negative feelings I had after leaving COBU no one seemed to understand the depths of my struggles and I always felt a bit disappointed that I never seemed to get any comfort. It was finally a great relief to me to feel understood, accepted, but especially that I saw the hope in getting free from the chains that the lifestyle of COBU seemed to continue to hold on my heart and my mind. Each time I would have prayer, I would feel lifted up, relieved and comforted because there were many voices that seemed to follow me from COBU.
One voice that was particularly stressful was the voice that said in my ear: “You can’t be a good parent.” Through prayer, God has released me from its power. There was also a voice that said that “I could never do enough, or that nothing I did was ever good enough” this voice was especially debilitating when I would try to get through my every day obligations and I knew that it came with me from COBU, because it was what I always heard each day when I was there.
My frustration wasn’t imagined, it was an everyday reality that I had within and that I could see how my high expectations of myself also caused me to have high expectations of others, especially my husband and children, causing them to also be frustrated because they could never do enough either. Living Water opened my eyes to see that these voices and feelings of "never being good enough" or "not being able to be a good wife or parent" was oppression, and it was directly related to my life in COBU. Living Water taught me how to pray effectively to remove these and many other crippling effects from the church of our youth.
God had finally silenced that voice and healed the inner hurt that it had caused. He helped me to know that just as I am, he embraces, accepts, and heals me. What a blessing to be free from the grip of Stewart Tanner Traill and the voices of dread that followed me around like a cloud! Living Water helped me to erase that feeling and brought sunshine to my heart, mind, body, and soul. The more I recognized the things that caused me stress and lifted them up in prayer, the more relief I received. There is indeed release from that which binds the heart. We can truly be free from the grip of the curses of COBU.
I have assisted in writing some of the content of this Website, however, I wholeheartedly endorse all of it. My hope is that some of the things that we touched on will be recognized and be able to shed some light on things that may continue to affect those who read it, that they too may receive the faith to lift these hurts up and get relief as the Lord has granted it to me and my family. Steve and I have 4 beautiful children and 9 beautiful grandchildren so far, and we know that we enjoy them much more having been granted a measure of peace, from he who gives peace.
Wishing you God’s deepest blessings